Feline Physics Laws(All are joke only)- Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction
- Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
- Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
- First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
- Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
- Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
- Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
- Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
- Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
- Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
- Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
A Koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, andorders a drink. When he’s done, slam goes his paw again for more. Thisgoes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do itagain, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the Koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had.
Afterwards, the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money,"the koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it said...PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money. So in response the Koala turn to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.
"He's a stupid dog - that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.
